when i first got back to alaska for this summer i had about a week before i started work. before that i was doing a little daygame and within the first 10 approaches from me getting back i got 2 numbers that didnt flake. one of the girls ended up fizzling out but the other girl didnt. her name was lauren and thats where it started.
i was able to land a first date with her and basically swept her off her feet. i like to think i was doing all the prince charming type things girls wish a guy would do. on the first date we actually went a little deep into each others backgrounds and i was able to figure out that she had a wild past. after the date i remember thinking that i would never try to date her seriously because i didnt think she was proper girlfriend material. that being said i still liked her and we had chemistry. from there we had a second date where we figured out each other more and the sexual tension started to build. the 3rd "date" she ended up spending the night and we sealed the deal.
congruent to her personality was her sexual side as well. she was wild in bed and the sex was fantastic probably the best ive had. well from there we started seeing each other about once a week depending on how our schedules went. we went out dancing together, went to a concert. out to dinner, and other venues like that. she was fun and we both enjoyed each others time but it was only a matter of time.
a little background on me is that the two previous longterm relationships ive had the girls ended up cheating on me. ive also had problems with giving people to much credit for their word and being let down. after all that adds up it ends up with me having horrible trust issues. (all talk about that a little later) as well as comitment issues. jealousy isnt that big of a thing. i mean ill get jealous if my girl is hanging around another guy but i dont show it the major thing i do is just really start to question the trust of her and everything that deals with that.
so after i found out about her wild past and what type of girl she is im concerns were on alert mode. the only thing that kept me around and not run away was the fact that she was going to therapy and trying to change her life cause she didnt like her past. and to be honest from how she described her past she was nothing like that person anymore. of course that didnt stop my insecurities.
anytime she would bring up a friend that was guy that she would hang out with i would get upset and then we would banter about it. it was my biggest weakness but we were dealing with it. after all we werent going to get serious anyways. after spending time together things would come up that i just didnt really care for in her life. her lifestyles, friends, family, goals and other things. i recognized this but id didnt stop me from seeing her. like i said it was just a summer relationship and that was it. all that mattered was that we liked eachother and we had good chemistry so we clicked.
well it was almost 5 months of dating when we got into an argument and then of course my trust issues came out and we got into a bigger argument and she left my place pretty upset. after a few days she came back over to talk about everything and the talk was more about the whole relationship. i liked her a lot but i wouldnt ever try to have anything serious with her because although she never did anything bad i just dont think i could get over her past even if i didnt have any issues with me. when we talked about the relationship thats what it came down to. she was starting to have more feelings for me. she never said it but i think she was pretty close to love. she told me that she could see that i didnt like her for who she was. what she was deep down which included everything. her life, passions, friends and everything. i did like a lot of things about her but she was right. when it came down to it i really didnt like who she truely was and if she wanted a serious relationship then she does deserve someone who will accept her and lover her for everything that she was.
not to forget me either, after learning all this daygame stuff i decided i while ago i would never settle for less. with lauren if i would have got serious with her than i would have although thats mean to say i feel like i deserve way more if i wanted a serious girlfriend (but i dont). in the end the relation ship was perfect for what it was. a fun short term exciting summertime fling and i think she would agree. breakups are never fun and im still a little bummed out but looking back on it i enjoyed it a lot. after the break up a couple major things dawned on me. 1 was that i need therapy for my issues, and 2 was i questioned what i really wanted out of a relationship.
i plan on getting into therapy next summer when i come back to alaska to try and help with mainly my commitment and trust issues but im sure we'll go into more indepth issues. as far as what i want out of a relationship its a little fuzzy. i know i dont want a long term super serious relationship for a few reasons. right now my life is a little speratic i plan on moving to a different state every 6 months for atleast the next 3 years so thats the main reason. plus im a big statistics guy and the numbers arent in the favor of marriage. one night stands are fine for sex but i want more. i like short term relationships and after i met lauren i kinda hesitated with her and she said "let whatever happens happen" and i went with it. i like that approach cause if you dont work out then you just end it. if it turns out great then you should have a lot of fun for the duration of the relationship.
ive always hated breaking up and with my 2 serious relationships the breakups for me were a horrible experience and im still haunted with the memories from the last one. i think one of the major reasons was cause of the horrible lonliness i would feel and not knowing whats next and having to wait. now that ive found daygame its all changed. if a relationship ends i feel like i can do my grieving and move on a lot quicker because i have the skills to find another high valued girl to fulfill my life, and i mostly come to realize that this last week after the break up.
as for right now ill run daygame but i doubt ill get much success before i leave just because of the horrible selection in alaska and the limited time i have to run game and the time i have left. its fine though because soon enough ill be in LA which is one of the best places to daygame in the world and i should have plenty of women in my life so that will be exciting.
all in all though i learned a lot from lauren especially who i was and wanted as a person. we are going to stay friends and i think we will end up good friends as long as we stay in contact. she my first relationship shince running daygame so shes definitley memorable and i enjoyed my time with her but for now its time to move on. so heres to her....
Hard to trust when youv'e been cheated on twice. But was it really cheated on or did the other two maybe think you were playing the field at the same time or something? Anyhow enough relationship talking for me im hittin the felt later :)
ReplyDeleteno i was definitely cheated on. this was before i got into daygame and they were serious relationships
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