ill start with poker. well this month is the first month of live poker that i have lost. the total count comes to -3$..... yeah after all the totals were calculated it turns out im down a whopping 3$ lol. this month i saw a lot of negative results and not that much volume. i dont like either of those and the result isnt great either. this month i played 5 tournaments of the wsopc at the bicycle casino and i was able to cash in 2 but not for any serious figures. i had only 3 really good winning days which is the only reason why this month i wasnt in the red for a lot more. the last week of this month has been torture for me though.
the thought of poker has been in my mind for a while now. i hate the feeling and emotions i go through when im on a downswing. it makes me contimplate if im even a winning player or if i have just been running decent for a little while. then i start to think about all the competition and how much harder poker is getting. to tell you the truth it made me depressed. the last bit of this month was pretty dark for me. i just got back from vegas and i probably shouldnt have even went. i ended up losing like 1000$ which isnt what is wrong. the whole time i was there i was so depressed and the emotions are caused from this downswing. then it transfers over into my daily life and its hard for me to be happy so the whole time i was in vegas i was in a huge slump.
the part about it all is that the downswing isnt that huge or drastic its only like 8 buyins right now but its been over the whole month. and the fact that i havent put that many hours in makes it feel like it has been going on forever. i havent been playing as much because ive been trying to have fun with my friend which is another problem ill get to and trying to live life a little more but being so driven by results just fucks with my head. its all just a bunch of head games i guess.
the life aspect has a little mixed emotions. this month was pretty fun, we went to 6 flags again. i went on a couple dates, we went to vegas and everything inbetween but ive come to realize some things. the main concentrations behind my thoughts were of my friend. hes a life long childhood friend so we have a strong friendship but him coming to LA with me has made me realize how different we are. at this point in my life im improving myself and trying to push foreward with life and grow as much as i can as a person. to put it short he isnt. he would rather stay inside and watch anime and play video games. thats all good and i like the fact that hes passionate about it but it doesnt do anything for your life. he tried getting into daygame with me but he quickly fell out of it. im not saying he has to do the things i do but having someone living with you that you know as one of your closest friends and they dont even have a similar mindset as you is a little aggrivating. hes a little younger than me 21, and im 25. so at times i feel like im an older brother figure which is fine. but it put the wieght on my shoulders that i should try and make him have a good time since he came on this trip with me. so for the past 3 months if i went and played poker i felt like i shouldnt stay so long because he would be left at home and if i was out daygaming i was worried he wasnt enjoying his self and i wasnt thinking of myself. hes moving back to AK on the 4th so i wont have to worry about it anymore but those are some of the thoughts ive been having. im not trying to bash my friend but i guess people just change a little.
daygame was interesting this month. from what i remember i didnt do a whole bunch of day game but i did quite a bit. the last couple posts had some good stories in it. this last week in vegas was a bit of a let down. of course i was in my depressed slump but i only managed to approach 5 girls but nothing went anywhere. over all for the month besides this last week it went pretty decent and i got some decent results. this next month i plan on putting a lot of effort into daygame so hopefully i can come up with some good times.
today i feel good i feel like im out of my slump and i dont feel down. i might have some kind of minor depression but im not sure. poker can have a big impact on my mental state but i hope it wont destroy my interest for the game as it already has a little bit. i have higher expectations for this month and i will be putting in more volume in poker and daygame so i should have better results in both. so untill next time cosmonauts. stay tuned :)
Your 25 best years of life imo. I know poker can really mess with your mental state just gotta stay solid and not get depressed keep doing your workouts that will help you.
ReplyDeletethanks man i really appreciate it.
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