st. pattys day special.

since the last time i posted i have got some crazy stories to tell which is why im posting on tuesday and not sunday, basically waiting for all the craziness to calm down to report it.

a couple things have come up. one is that my summer job is going to be starting up in the middle of april this year insted of the begining of may so im going to be leaving LA on the 6th of april which i have mixed emotions about. im ready to leave LA but dont necessarily want to go back to work so soon.

so i decided that this last thursday was going to be my last day playing poker here.  from my last few posts if anyone keeps up they will notice my dying interest with poker. im at a point with it that i dont really enjoy playing live that much anymore and it isnt really fun for me. when things get like that i think it is best to move on so that is why thursday was my last day. i plan on traveling next winter so im not sure if i am even going to consider playing it again. overall i think i would probably enjoy playing online vs. live more but thats me. this winter i made just 4k. i was running pretty shitty at 20$ hr playing mostly 5/5 nl at one point i was up 8k this winter before i had my shitty run bad spell but yeah i only played about 220 hours over the course of 5 months where as in the past 2 years i put in about 650-700 hours each year.

now for the really juicy details. so friday i went out and did daygame which went pretty well. got some numbers and thought one who was a tourist was going to come through but looks like shes going to flake. saturday i went to an electronic dance concert and that's where the story begins.

so a friend i met in vegas was telling me about the concert a month ago so we made plans. when i got there i had some intentions on running game but very specific game. i was only trying to say super direct lines. the ones i said were "you look like you are either a really good kisser or really bad" and based off their reaction i was going to kiss them. i told that to about 8 girls and all of them rejected it except for one who i was already talking to for about 2 minutes and i ended up making out with her for a short time. the other line was " what are you doing later, you should come back to my hotel" i only said that to 2 girls and suprisingly.... they both rejected as well haha. i was basically just trying to push the boundaries and see what would happen. since i was trying to approach girls i wasnt really focused on the concert so a few hours into it i decided to drop the approaching and enjoy the rest of the concert. at the end of the concert i was waiting for my friend and i talked to a girl which went well and i got her number.

the concert went from 4pm-2am and we didnt get to sleep until like 5 am and then was up at about 1030 am. after that i drove back home i went out to do some daygame. i had also been texting the girl from the concert since the night before and she agreed to come see me later that night.

shortly after i began my daygame session i approached a petite girl with long black hair, blue eyes, and looked latvian. we got into a good conversation and things were flowing. she was 24 and a teacher from arkansas just visiting LA on a school trip with some of her students. i ended up showing her around the santa monica pier and shopping district which pretty much turned into a 2 hour instant date. we clicked pretty good but she was leaving in 2 days and i felt like i wouldnt be able to secure anything with her so i didnt have my hopes up. i ended up telling her i had to go (to another date) and told her i would love to take her out before she left. she told me she would try but couldnt promise anything which i understood so i took her number.

i went home and straightened up a bit and went out with the concert girl for our date. the date went smooth and started with mini golf, then the arcade, frozen yogurt and then to my place for "a movie" we soon headed into my bedroom where we listened to music and we began making out. things were going good but as soon as i unbuttoned my pants she started to hesitate and wanted to leave. i persisted a little and could tell she was interested but she just wasnt sure for some reason. i even pulled my dick out and put it in her hand which she grabbed and held but she just didnt want to commit. i think she was trying to push me around a bit not really sure. strike 1

after that night i wasnt too worried. i had texted the teacher from earlier and she was responding good. the next day i continued the text and she agreed to come out. i had a bit of time so i tried some more day game but i was a little drained from the last couple days and wasnt doing too well. so i ended up meeting with the teacher around 9pm and had plans to go to santa monica pier and ride the rides and play some arcade games. the rides were closed so all we did was play the games but still had fun.

from there we bounced to a pub with live music which we got one drink and left, after that we went to a sushi joint and got sushi and drank some saki. from there we went back to the beach and walked the beach under the moonlight, you know real romantic type shit haha. i put her arms around me and was going to escalate for the kiss but she was hesitant so i pulled back. we then went to another pub and had one more drink before closing time and headed back to the cars. when we got to her car i pulled her in and began to kiss her. we then proceeded to make out for about 5 minutes and i told her i lived about 20 minutes away and had some dvd's if she wanted to come back. she said should we take your car or mine. we jumped in her car and headed to my place.

when we got to my place we put on the dvd and watched it for about 20 minutes before we began making out and took it to the bedroom. things went really smooth and she wasnt hesitant really at all. i began to take my pants off and pulled my dick out and put her hand on it and she accepted in warmly. eventually we were both stripped and i tried to go inside her which she was hesitant about. i backed off and then we made out more. then i began to advance again and she allowed me inside her. but after about a minute she said we shouldnt be doing this and we stopped and continued to make out and then went back to sex for about a minute where again she stopped. that cycle continued about 5 or 6 times. she really wanted it i could tell but she just needed that extra push in her mind that it was ok which i should have helped her with. i never did end up cumming but the whole date and chase was really fun and i enjoyed it a lot even though i didnt cum. she drove me back to my car at about 530am where she had to get back to her hotel and we kissed and parted ways. i actually really do like her and connect well with her so i told her i would keep in touch with her and skype and possibly come see her when i travel for the winter. so kinda strike 2

the next day i had a date planned with a girl i approached about  4 or 5 weeks ago and had already went on 1 date with her. she was kind of like a marilyn monroe look alike and super cute. again it went mini golf, arcade and then frozen yogurt (turning out to be my weapons of choice) she is a pretty classy girl though and relatively conservative but pretty fun, i suggested bouncing to my place but she was pretty hesitant on the idea and dicided not to. we got back to my car where i pulled her in and gave her some nice kisses and sent her on her way. shes a really sweet girl and seems like decent girlfriend material but i told her im leaving in about 3 weeks which she was sad about so im not sure i will get any further with her. strike 3 im out.

so those are all the stories. they were all super fun but i am pretty tired since the last 5 days so im going to get a good night sleep and hit the streets for more daygame. i also have a possible date lined up for friday night with the wardrobe designer from dancing with the stars again which would be date number 2. she agreed to go if her schedule works out so i guess i didnt scare her away. i think she might just want sex but just needs the push so we'll see so i have that to look foreward to. so until next time cosmonauts, stay tuned :)

success doesnt always feel like it

this week sums up basically as the title puts it. there was actually a lot of success but it doesnt really feel like it.

poker had a lot of mixed emotions this week as it has the last month or so. the first day i played i actually sat with 250$ of a free roll because of a promotion the casino was doing kind of like a rake back promotion. anyways i ended the day break even after being up like 250. the next day was actually pretty stellar and won almost 1500. the 3rd day i lost 750 and it put me on edge and i just decided i didnt want to play the rest of the week after that. so yeah i came out ahead for the week but just didnt really feel good about it.

daygame was pretty interesting. thursday and friday i went to a big mall about 10 miles north of where i live and ended up doing quite a lot of approaches. i think i ended up getting 5 numbers or so from those two days. one number i got from a girl i got on film. my friend/wing in seattle wanted me to record some approaches i did so i did using my phone. the quality of the recording is shit but its a recording none the less.
the girl turned out super sweet. she was 18 and still in high school haha. we texted the first night and it went go so far and she seems like shes into me so we will see if it goes anywhere. i eneded up getting a few more number over the rest of the weeknd but so far nothing super solid. a lot of the numbers i got from last week have been the concentration of my efforts.



a couple girls that i got there number from a while ago are back in town and i am trying to set something up with them this week so we'll see how that goes. and there are a couple other possibilities but im not to concrete about them. so basically same thing. this week was success but it feels like it wasnt.

this weeknd i am actually going to a electronic dance concert about an hour out of LA which should be pretty awesome. im meeting up with a friend i met in vegas. im definitely going to try and pick up girls and im going to try to go super direct basically trying to kiss them within the first minute of talking to them. so i have that to look foreward too and then after that the latina girl i slept with last week will be back in town so we will connect again and maybe i wont feel like a failure so much :p

anyways things are going good just feels like i should have more results but im still enjoying the process of everything. until next time cosmonauts, stay tuned :)

week of day game

this week i didnt even play poker and pretty much spent the whole time running day game and ive got a lot of stories to share.

basically i didnt have the drive to play poker since i have been feeling so low about it so i just decided to spend the whole week doing day game. monday was a different story as it turned out to be a really off day for me. i think i suffer from chronic depression because about once a month i got through a phase where i am just depressed as shit and dont want to do anything anyways monday i just drove around the coast and that was it.

tuesday went pretty well. i went to a pretty big mall about 10 miles north of where i live and just felt pretty good. since it was a weekday there wasnt a whole lot of girls but i was approaching pretty much every girl that i found attractive. probably approached 12-15 girls. i ended up only landing 2 numbers but it was just a lot of fun that day and i wouldnt have cared if i didnt get any numbers. the first was when i was sitting on a bench and a really attractive young girl walked infront of me and smiled as we held eye contact. if a girl ever smiles at you it is a green light. i chased after her and stopped her to start a conversation.

we instantly clicked and attraction was in the air. she is 19 with a tight body. i tried to do an instant date with her but she said she was with ehr sister and didnt have time. the conversation was pretty solid so i took her number and weve been texting since then. i tried to set up a date later in the week but shes out of town for a week so we decided to plan something when she gets back.

the next number was of a girl who was cute. not a 100% my type but she was pretty interesting and claimed that she is the wardrobe designer of dancing with the stars. she seemed pretty cool so i took her number. weve only sent a couple texts and i could see this one fizzling out but it might produce results.

wednesday was a slow day i dont think i got any numbers that day. it doesnt really stand out but im sure i went out and did day game.

thursday was really entertaining. i had a date planned with a girl from last week that i approached. she was super materialistic and one of those talkative types. pretty much think of kim kardashian as she resmebled her in a way. i would never want kim kardashian in my life but i would fuck the shit out of her. same thing with this girl. so to put it bluntly she is a means to an end. the date was fun we went to the mall that i picked her up at and we tried on clothes and had fun with it. i was holding her and playing with her and moving things pretty smoothly. we got lunch and then i walked her to an exit. i pulled her in for a kiss and she objected. she said she doesnt kiss on the first date. i played with her and teased her and then pulled her in again and she said she wasnt a slut, in a joking tone. i persisted a little bit but i dont think it was going to happen. we hugged like 3 times and then i let her go.

i actually was going to try my first bounce back and try to take her to my place since i lived just up the road but since she was like that i knew it wasnt going to happen. im not 100% sure how i feel about her but if she keeps seeing me then ill keep pushing for it.

after i was done seeing her off i decided to go back into the mall and spend a little more time doing some approaches. i went to the bathroom and as i came out i saw a sexy dark haired girl in a long black and white dress passed and my instincts triggered and i chased after her.

this girl is what i got into day game for. she turned out to be latvian. long black hair, blues eyes with long black eyelashes tight body with a nice ass and tits....yeah. she was actually really sweet even though she looked intimidating. we talked for about 5 minutes before i suggested an instant date and she agreed and we went an got frozen yogurt. so i just finished a date about 15 minutes before and now im on an instant date with another hot girl. i was loving it.

she turned out to be really genuine and nice. super attractive and just all around a 10. she turned out to be 30 and had a kid which was a downside but the interaction went good and i liked her so i got her number. we have sent a few texts so far but i sent one a few hours ago and she hasnt replied so she might have flaked. i could see this girl flaking as im sure shes looking for a provider in her life and not a boy toy ;)

friday i had another date planned from a girl that i approached last week as well. she was a sexy little latina girl with an outgoing personality. i had it planned for us to go play laser tag and then get a couple drinks. laser tag was pretty fun and exciting. then we bounced over to a bar and got a couple drinks and was having laughs and fun. we jumped to another bar and continued with some talk and banter. then we decided to go to the city walk in universal studios where they had a couple clubs. after we arrived we didnt take anytime before we ended on the dance floor and was having a lot of fun. this girl could dance too so that was enjoyable. after an hour or so i figured that was enough and i lead her back to my car to take her to my place. she never even question where we were going which i thought was amusing. we got to my place and i put on a comedy and we watched tv for about 30 minutes before i picked her up and carried her to my room.

we laid in my bed and talked for another 30 minutes while kissing before things began to get a little more hot. i took off my shirt and then her bra. she persisted that she wasnt going to have sex. i agreed and we continued to make out. things got even hotter and i took off my pants and tried taking hers off but she rejected me. i was persisting with her but she just wasnt having it. i thought i would try again in the morning and if she didnt want to then i knew i would see her again. i think she just really liked me and didnt want to come off as easy. in the morning after waking up we started making out again and i took off my boxers which got her really horny. i began to take off her clothes and she gave into temptation and things began to get hot. after we finished we laid on the bed cuddled. she said she wanted to go again i told her to give me 20 minutes lol

this girl seems pretty into me and totally comfortable with the open relationship that i have to offer so im sure i will be seeing her frequently.

saturday was different. since i was up all night on my date and just finished having sex i wasnt in the mood to do daygame but i still wanted to haha. i went out anyway, i only approached one girl as that was all i could force myself to do since i was pretty much exhausted haha. this girl was super sexy. she looked russian but she wasnt. blonde hair blue eyes. a flower in her hair and lip gloss making her lips shine. we clicked from the start and attraction was in the air. i tired to get her on an instant date but she had other plans. so i went for a number close. she told me she just got out of a relationship and also worked about 80 hours a week and was super busy. i told her i would text her any ways and if she dint want to hang out it wasnt a big deal. i texted her today and she replied so we'll see if i can go further with her cause im super attracted to her.

today i went to a mall and did about 10 or 12 approaches but nothing ever really hooked or went anywhere so no numbers or results but still had a good time. something funny that did happen was a girl that i approached about 4 weeks ago that flaked on me sent me a text telling me that she went to austraila and even though she thinks she blew it with me she would want to meet up if i did. i told her we can meet up either saturday night or sunday night so i have that im looking foreward to. also im sure i'll set up something with the latina as well. theres also a couple girls im texting that are out of town for a week so i might have something coming around then.

so yeah this week was full of results and things were and are looking super busy in the day game life. i also bought a skateboard today. i use to skateboard in highschool and loved it but stopped after i got into my career and into poker. i decided to pick it up again so i can enjoy that passion again. i'll be playing poker again this week but im not sure how much depending if i land some dates or not. but thats about how my week went so until next time cosmonauts, stay tuned :)

is this the end?

this week ended up being a really revealing week for me which has some good and bad news.

this time i'll start with daygame. i started daygame a little early this week because i had a rough day at the poker table on thursday so i went home early.  there was still a couple hours before the mall near my place closed so i decided to go out for some daygame. i only ended up doing 1 approach right when i got there mainly because the interaction was pretty lengthy. i approached the girl and after talking to her for about 5 minutes i suggested going for some frozen yogurt. in the pickup community they call that an instant date. anyways we went and got some yogurt and talked for another 20 or so minutes. this girl was hilarious to me because she was so materialistic and fake. i laughed plenty of times in the interaction because of how fake she seemed but she was probably to thick headed to think i was laughing at her. none the less she was pretty attractive and i got her number. we have already texted a little bit so i am going to try and set something up with her in the next week. by the way the only reason i would get involved with this girl is for sex because she is so not my type because of how materialistic she is. friday came and i put in a pretty decent daygame session i ended up getting 3 numbers and for sure felt like one was really solid but they havnt text back yet. i plan on texting all my numbers here in a little bit so maybe some will reply and i can go from there.

saturday turned out to be pretty interesting. just like last week i was a little drained from the daygame on friday but i still wanted to try and put in some effort. i did a decent amount of approaches but the interactions felt mediocre at best. i think i got one number until this little gem happened. so i approach a girl while she was walking and she wouldnt stop for me. i told her i wanted to start a conversation with her and she said if i wanted to then i would have to walk with her. usually when girls want you to walk and talk with them it goes down hill because they dont make eye contact and the interaction goes nowhere but this girl wasnt going to stop. i began to walk with her and she wraps her arm around mine. (first time that has happened to me) we talk for a bit as we try to find a restruant that she is meeting her family at. we eventually find the place and we talk for a bit more and it feels like there was a bit of chemistry in the works. we exchange numbers and i go on my way.

about an hour later i get a text from her and we begin to exchange texts over the next couple hours. she asked me what i was doing later tonight which is pretty much a green light to meet up with her. i told her i was hanging out with her later down at the pier and she agreed. we met up later that night and hung out for a little while and walked and talked before we went down to the pier. we were holding hands and hugging each other so there was a lot of physical connection. i tried pulling her to the side for a kiss but i pulled away before touching her lips. when we got to the pier we went on the ferris wheel and enjoyed each others company where again i went for the kiss but pulled away before touching her lips. after the pier we went back to my truck and i drove her home. before she left we talked briefly and this time i did go for the kiss and it went smoothly. she has already text me today and mentioned hanging out again so i think she will be a lot of fun.

today i tried going out but i just couldnt get motivated to approach and just decided to just be lazy and just drive around. i also had a date on tuesday from a girl from last weeknd that resembles marilyn monroe. she turned out to be really sweet and i like her a lot. she also suggested hanging out again so im going to try and meet up with her again sometime soon. tomorrow i actually have somewhat of a date planned. when i first got her i went on a date with and older girl. i wasnt really feeling the connection so i told her and we didnt really pursue it after that but we stayed in contact. she texted me a few days ago and i told her we should met up again and so we decided on going to the zoo since i want to go and i havent been yet. if she comes on to me than i'll go for it but if not ill just leave it as it is. thats pretty much all the daygame this week which turned out to be a pretty fun week.

poker was a little bit of a different story... i only played 3 days this week and came out slightly losing. im not sure if im winning or losing this month but im sure its close to either and as it turns out im not sure i really care anymore.

i realized a few things this past couple weeks with poker that im not to sure will be good for me in the future if i continue to play. after moving to LA i realized how much im not interested in trying to be  "rich" anymore. i never really was trying to be but thats really the only way i could describe it. when i was 18 and i got into my career and then soon found poker i was money hungry. i wanted to have a lot of money and i didnt really know the reason behind it. but over this past month i think i found the reason for my drive to have a lot of money and i think it was because i was always afraid of not being financially stable. i didnt come from a poor family but money wasnt really around when i was growing up. i paid for a lot of things that i wanted while i was growing up and had a job since i was 14. i think my past just made me want to be able to make sure i could survive with enough money and still be financially comfortable to not care about money. well since moving to LA i just realize how much money this city is revolved around. the city is sooo materialistic and plastic which is why i dont like it and after i realized that i found out that i didnt need to worry about my money.

right now i am really financially stable and really comfortable. im so not materialistic or worried about having the new thing which cost money. then it dawned on me that the reason i played poker and was so driven to win was so i could win money so i could achieve my goal of being financially stable. well... im there now and it felt like as soon as a realized that i stopped caring about poker and my interest has almost gone to nothing. im not saying im going to quit playing poker but i dont know if i will be putting much effort into it. i will be playing it for a slow income to keep things going but i just dont have the desire to play it like i use to. maybe it is because i had a pretty slow season with it so far or maybe it is because of what i said i guess time will tell though.

so that is where i sit. it is kinda sad but at the same time im not going to force myself to do something im not enjoying and instead im trying to focus on improving other aspects of my life. im sure next week i will have more on this topic and this post is already too long so untill next time cosmonauts, stay tuned :)

the pain period.

another week in the books and it seems as though things have been slowly getting better.

 poker was typically pretty slow i think i made 200$ this week so nothing special about it. i have signed up to a live poker training site a couple weeks ago called crush live poker which is actually filmed at the bicycle casino which is where i play most of my sessions. as far as i know its pretty much the only live training site that goes over actual hands since they have one of those fancy tables that records the cards. anyways the training is alright. some times the host goes over theories or recaps things too fast and but its a decent training site. so far from my last winter of poker i havnt had any huge "aha" moments but i feel like my game has improved slightly and overall with practice things are going decent. im still wining anyways.

 daygame this week was pretty interesting to me. im starting to take fridays off from poker for a few reasons and i usually spend them catching up on errands i have to do and then i will do daygame. so this week i did daygame from friday until sunday. when i got out on friday i was really in the mood. i was pretty social and i was approaching a lot of girls. i only got 2 numbers but 1 seemed really solid. saturday i went out and i felt actually a little exhausted from the day before. i felt social and in the mood to do daygame but i just felt extremely tired and it was hard to push myself to do approaches. i still did a decent amount although i bitched out on a lot. i also got 2 numbers that day as well but i didnt feel like those numbers were that solid. sunday was interesting to me. saturday night i was watching some pickups on you tube and i came across an instructor who had a few speeches on youtube. i watched his stuff and really liked his vibe. i tried to mirror his vibe when i went out on sunday and i really like how it came across. i felt like it was just an all around better approach. i ended up getting 3 numbers on sunday with one that was really solid. i texted all 7 numbers when i got home and only 2 have responded so far. there might be one other girl that might respond but i feel like the others were going to flake anyways. so hopefully i can land a date with one or all of them in the next week cause its been a little while.

 about mid way through the week i kinda bantered with myself at where i was with both daygame and poker and it seems like im in both the same spot. at the beginning of learning a new skill or anything really things are really fun. your trying new things and learning and trying to get good so it is fun. once you achieve a certain level of success or skill things kind of become redundant and it really takes a lot of effort to achieve that next level and thats kinda where i am at. no matter about the outcome or the results its pretty much all about the effort and putting in the time and dedication and the term is referred to as "the pain period". you can probably guess why. things arent always fun in these times and can be hard. just like i said though its just about putting in the time and effort and trusting that the results will come. sometimes it can be difficult especially when things go really bad but you just have to keep on keepin on.

 as in the words of the great joe dirt. "lifes a garden, dig it!"

anyways that about sums up this week. like i said im going to try and set up a date within the next week so we'll see where that leads. and besides that im just going to keep on pushing. untill next time cosmonauts, stay tuned :)

self enjoyment.

i think i have finally figured some things out about how to go about things in my life this week unfortunitley that is about all the good news there is.

ill get to the opening sentence in a minute after i recap the week. so poker was relatively slow this week. i only played 3 days the first day i won 1300, the second day i played a lapc tournament for 340 and cashed for 640 and the last day i played i lost 800.

the lapc tournament was a pretty decent tournament. it attracted 240 players. you start with 20k in chips and the first 8 levels are 30 minutes and then after that the levels are 40 minutes. things went pretty normal for me for the first like 4-5 hours and then my stack was at about 40bbs when this hand happend.

there were 3 limpers and it got to me in the bb with A5 off and i check. the board comes  2 3 6 rainbow. sb checks and i bet like half pot. next guy to act raises and the other players fold. to me i felt like this guy either had a medium over pair or some kind of draw or nothing. i didnt see why he would rais a realy strong hand on a board like that with two players that could also contribut money if he were to have a big hand. i felt like if i shoved then it would be super hard for him to call and i would take down a decent pot a lot of the time. i shoved and he called and showed 22. turn was a blank and the river was a 4 giving me the straight.

so i got very lucky there. i was also now in pretty good standings to go deep in the tourney. with about 70 players left. i was able to build my stack up to 200k over the next 5 hours and made it to the money. the bubble was at 27th. there were 23 players left when this hand happend. everyone folded to me on the button with K9 suited. i min raise and the sb calls. the bb looks at my raise, looks at the small blind and anounces raise and raises it to 40k. we had just got redrawn at this table and i havnt seen him 3 bet or play harldy any hands since we started the table but i felt like this was a move. i also had blockers and again felt like if i raised i could get him to lay down a lot of hands. i shoved all in for 180k sb folded and he thought for a little bit before calling with AQ off. i didnt improve and i busted out in 23rd. looking back at the hand im fine with my play even though he didnt play that many hands since we started the table i felt like he was the type to make a squeeze in that spot and figured he was sucks that i was wrong but im fine with my play. the thing that i should have done was only raised it to about 110k and if he shipped i could have folded and still been in the tourney. the last thing is that i have played about 5 tourneys so far this winter and in each tourney i have made a big move like the ones i talked about in every tourney. and about 4 out of the 5 tourneys i ran into aces twices and the other times made hands. so i think i am making moves at the wrong times and should be more cautious about it but that is also probably the last tourney i will be playing so i dont think ill be able to put the theory to use.

daygame this week was just horrible. i wanted to go out friday but i was just so out of it and unsocial. at the end of the day i found i was starting to get a bit of a head cold. saturday i had full effects of the cold and i tried to go out but i was just so out of state that i couldnt do it. sunday i was feeling better but still anti social. over the whole 3 days i did 4 approaches which was horrible. i was really wanting to put in some decent effort this weeknd but its so har to change your mentality if youre just not feeling social. which led me to a realization with poker and daygame.

i listen to a daygame podcast about once a week. they said something on there that made me think. i heard them talk about it before but i never really processed it. they said it doesnt matter about the results. you should be focusing on having a good time, learning, and enjoying the moment and the results will come. although i have done daygame like that a little bit i was still pretty results oriented. it also made me think about poker.

the past couple of years i never really had any specific expectations from poker. i was just learning the game and trying to get good at it, i was enjoying the process even though it was frustrating at times and i was making money. this year was different. this year i put a lot of weight on trying to achieve specific goals and i had a lot of expectations. it just made me realize it took the fun out of it. now all i was worried about is how much closer to my goal do i need to get and all these other thoughts. it just made me think that expectations are a good factor for being let down. so today i played and i didnt care about winning or losing i just played and tried to play my best and it was enjoyable. so with daygame and poker i am going to try and take that route and get back to the enjoyment of the games instead of the expectations. i know its easier said than done but its the better way to do them.

thats about all there is. im feeling better this week and not so anti social or depressed so hopefully it will stay that way and i can put in a lot of effort for the rest of the week. until next time. stay tuned cosmonauts

january/vegas recap.

this month has turned out to be probably one of the worst i have went through in a long time so come and listen to me complain :)

ill start with poker. well this month is the first month of live poker that i have lost. the total count comes to -3$..... yeah after all the totals were calculated it turns out im down a whopping 3$ lol. this month i saw a lot of negative results and not that much volume. i dont like either of those and the result isnt great either. this month i played 5 tournaments of the wsopc at the bicycle casino and i was able to cash in 2 but not for any serious figures. i had only 3 really good winning days which is the only reason why this month i wasnt in the red for a lot more. the last week of this month has been torture for me though.

the thought of poker has been in my mind for a while now. i hate the feeling and emotions i go through when im on a downswing. it makes me contimplate if im even a winning player or if i have just been running decent for a little while. then i start to think about all the competition and how much harder poker is getting. to tell you the truth it made me depressed. the last bit of this month was pretty dark for me. i just got back from vegas and i probably shouldnt have even went. i ended up losing like 1000$ which isnt what is wrong. the whole time i was there i was so depressed and the emotions are caused from this downswing. then it transfers over into my daily life and its hard for me to be happy so the whole time i was in vegas i was in a huge slump.

the part about it all is that the downswing isnt that huge or drastic its only like 8 buyins right now but its been over the whole month. and the fact that i havent put that many hours in makes it feel like it has been going on forever. i havent been playing as much because ive been trying to have fun with my friend which is another problem ill get to and trying to live life a little more but being so driven by results just fucks with my head. its all just a bunch of head games i guess.

the life aspect has a little mixed emotions. this month was pretty fun, we went to 6 flags again. i went on a couple dates, we went to vegas and everything inbetween but ive come to realize some things. the main concentrations behind my thoughts were of my friend. hes a life long childhood friend so we have a strong friendship but him coming to LA with me has made me realize how different we are. at this point in my life im improving myself and trying to push foreward with life and grow as much as i can as a person. to put it short he isnt. he would rather stay inside and watch anime and play video games. thats all good and i like the fact that hes passionate about it but it doesnt do anything for your life. he tried getting into daygame with me but he quickly fell out of it. im not saying he has to do the things i do but having someone living with you that you know as one of your closest friends and they dont even have a similar mindset as you is a little aggrivating. hes a little younger than me 21, and im 25. so at times i feel like im an older brother figure which is fine. but it put the wieght on my shoulders that i should try and make him have a good time since he came on this trip with me. so for the past 3 months if i went and played poker i felt like i shouldnt stay so long because he would be left at home and if i was out daygaming i was worried he wasnt enjoying his self and i wasnt thinking of myself. hes moving back to  AK on the 4th so i wont have to worry about it anymore but those are some of the thoughts ive been having. im not trying to bash my friend but i guess people just change a little.

daygame was interesting this month. from what i remember i didnt do a whole bunch of day game but i did quite a bit. the last couple posts had some good stories in it. this last week in vegas was a bit of a let down. of course i was in my depressed slump but i only managed to approach 5 girls but nothing went anywhere. over all for the month besides this last week it went pretty decent and i got some decent results. this next month i plan on putting a lot of effort into daygame so hopefully i can come up with some good times.

today i feel good i feel like im out of my slump and i dont feel down. i might have some kind of minor depression but im not sure. poker can have a big impact on my mental state but i hope it wont destroy my interest for the game as it already has a little bit. i have higher expectations for this month and i will be putting in more volume in poker and daygame so i should have better results in both. so untill next time cosmonauts. stay tuned :)