is this the end?

this week ended up being a really revealing week for me which has some good and bad news.

this time i'll start with daygame. i started daygame a little early this week because i had a rough day at the poker table on thursday so i went home early.  there was still a couple hours before the mall near my place closed so i decided to go out for some daygame. i only ended up doing 1 approach right when i got there mainly because the interaction was pretty lengthy. i approached the girl and after talking to her for about 5 minutes i suggested going for some frozen yogurt. in the pickup community they call that an instant date. anyways we went and got some yogurt and talked for another 20 or so minutes. this girl was hilarious to me because she was so materialistic and fake. i laughed plenty of times in the interaction because of how fake she seemed but she was probably to thick headed to think i was laughing at her. none the less she was pretty attractive and i got her number. we have already texted a little bit so i am going to try and set something up with her in the next week. by the way the only reason i would get involved with this girl is for sex because she is so not my type because of how materialistic she is. friday came and i put in a pretty decent daygame session i ended up getting 3 numbers and for sure felt like one was really solid but they havnt text back yet. i plan on texting all my numbers here in a little bit so maybe some will reply and i can go from there.

saturday turned out to be pretty interesting. just like last week i was a little drained from the daygame on friday but i still wanted to try and put in some effort. i did a decent amount of approaches but the interactions felt mediocre at best. i think i got one number until this little gem happened. so i approach a girl while she was walking and she wouldnt stop for me. i told her i wanted to start a conversation with her and she said if i wanted to then i would have to walk with her. usually when girls want you to walk and talk with them it goes down hill because they dont make eye contact and the interaction goes nowhere but this girl wasnt going to stop. i began to walk with her and she wraps her arm around mine. (first time that has happened to me) we talk for a bit as we try to find a restruant that she is meeting her family at. we eventually find the place and we talk for a bit more and it feels like there was a bit of chemistry in the works. we exchange numbers and i go on my way.

about an hour later i get a text from her and we begin to exchange texts over the next couple hours. she asked me what i was doing later tonight which is pretty much a green light to meet up with her. i told her i was hanging out with her later down at the pier and she agreed. we met up later that night and hung out for a little while and walked and talked before we went down to the pier. we were holding hands and hugging each other so there was a lot of physical connection. i tried pulling her to the side for a kiss but i pulled away before touching her lips. when we got to the pier we went on the ferris wheel and enjoyed each others company where again i went for the kiss but pulled away before touching her lips. after the pier we went back to my truck and i drove her home. before she left we talked briefly and this time i did go for the kiss and it went smoothly. she has already text me today and mentioned hanging out again so i think she will be a lot of fun.

today i tried going out but i just couldnt get motivated to approach and just decided to just be lazy and just drive around. i also had a date on tuesday from a girl from last weeknd that resembles marilyn monroe. she turned out to be really sweet and i like her a lot. she also suggested hanging out again so im going to try and meet up with her again sometime soon. tomorrow i actually have somewhat of a date planned. when i first got her i went on a date with and older girl. i wasnt really feeling the connection so i told her and we didnt really pursue it after that but we stayed in contact. she texted me a few days ago and i told her we should met up again and so we decided on going to the zoo since i want to go and i havent been yet. if she comes on to me than i'll go for it but if not ill just leave it as it is. thats pretty much all the daygame this week which turned out to be a pretty fun week.

poker was a little bit of a different story... i only played 3 days this week and came out slightly losing. im not sure if im winning or losing this month but im sure its close to either and as it turns out im not sure i really care anymore.

i realized a few things this past couple weeks with poker that im not to sure will be good for me in the future if i continue to play. after moving to LA i realized how much im not interested in trying to be  "rich" anymore. i never really was trying to be but thats really the only way i could describe it. when i was 18 and i got into my career and then soon found poker i was money hungry. i wanted to have a lot of money and i didnt really know the reason behind it. but over this past month i think i found the reason for my drive to have a lot of money and i think it was because i was always afraid of not being financially stable. i didnt come from a poor family but money wasnt really around when i was growing up. i paid for a lot of things that i wanted while i was growing up and had a job since i was 14. i think my past just made me want to be able to make sure i could survive with enough money and still be financially comfortable to not care about money. well since moving to LA i just realize how much money this city is revolved around. the city is sooo materialistic and plastic which is why i dont like it and after i realized that i found out that i didnt need to worry about my money.

right now i am really financially stable and really comfortable. im so not materialistic or worried about having the new thing which cost money. then it dawned on me that the reason i played poker and was so driven to win was so i could win money so i could achieve my goal of being financially stable. well... im there now and it felt like as soon as a realized that i stopped caring about poker and my interest has almost gone to nothing. im not saying im going to quit playing poker but i dont know if i will be putting much effort into it. i will be playing it for a slow income to keep things going but i just dont have the desire to play it like i use to. maybe it is because i had a pretty slow season with it so far or maybe it is because of what i said i guess time will tell though.

so that is where i sit. it is kinda sad but at the same time im not going to force myself to do something im not enjoying and instead im trying to focus on improving other aspects of my life. im sure next week i will have more on this topic and this post is already too long so untill next time cosmonauts, stay tuned :)

the pain period.

another week in the books and it seems as though things have been slowly getting better.

 poker was typically pretty slow i think i made 200$ this week so nothing special about it. i have signed up to a live poker training site a couple weeks ago called crush live poker which is actually filmed at the bicycle casino which is where i play most of my sessions. as far as i know its pretty much the only live training site that goes over actual hands since they have one of those fancy tables that records the cards. anyways the training is alright. some times the host goes over theories or recaps things too fast and but its a decent training site. so far from my last winter of poker i havnt had any huge "aha" moments but i feel like my game has improved slightly and overall with practice things are going decent. im still wining anyways.

 daygame this week was pretty interesting to me. im starting to take fridays off from poker for a few reasons and i usually spend them catching up on errands i have to do and then i will do daygame. so this week i did daygame from friday until sunday. when i got out on friday i was really in the mood. i was pretty social and i was approaching a lot of girls. i only got 2 numbers but 1 seemed really solid. saturday i went out and i felt actually a little exhausted from the day before. i felt social and in the mood to do daygame but i just felt extremely tired and it was hard to push myself to do approaches. i still did a decent amount although i bitched out on a lot. i also got 2 numbers that day as well but i didnt feel like those numbers were that solid. sunday was interesting to me. saturday night i was watching some pickups on you tube and i came across an instructor who had a few speeches on youtube. i watched his stuff and really liked his vibe. i tried to mirror his vibe when i went out on sunday and i really like how it came across. i felt like it was just an all around better approach. i ended up getting 3 numbers on sunday with one that was really solid. i texted all 7 numbers when i got home and only 2 have responded so far. there might be one other girl that might respond but i feel like the others were going to flake anyways. so hopefully i can land a date with one or all of them in the next week cause its been a little while.

 about mid way through the week i kinda bantered with myself at where i was with both daygame and poker and it seems like im in both the same spot. at the beginning of learning a new skill or anything really things are really fun. your trying new things and learning and trying to get good so it is fun. once you achieve a certain level of success or skill things kind of become redundant and it really takes a lot of effort to achieve that next level and thats kinda where i am at. no matter about the outcome or the results its pretty much all about the effort and putting in the time and dedication and the term is referred to as "the pain period". you can probably guess why. things arent always fun in these times and can be hard. just like i said though its just about putting in the time and effort and trusting that the results will come. sometimes it can be difficult especially when things go really bad but you just have to keep on keepin on.

 as in the words of the great joe dirt. "lifes a garden, dig it!"

anyways that about sums up this week. like i said im going to try and set up a date within the next week so we'll see where that leads. and besides that im just going to keep on pushing. untill next time cosmonauts, stay tuned :)

self enjoyment.

i think i have finally figured some things out about how to go about things in my life this week unfortunitley that is about all the good news there is.

ill get to the opening sentence in a minute after i recap the week. so poker was relatively slow this week. i only played 3 days the first day i won 1300, the second day i played a lapc tournament for 340 and cashed for 640 and the last day i played i lost 800.

the lapc tournament was a pretty decent tournament. it attracted 240 players. you start with 20k in chips and the first 8 levels are 30 minutes and then after that the levels are 40 minutes. things went pretty normal for me for the first like 4-5 hours and then my stack was at about 40bbs when this hand happend.

there were 3 limpers and it got to me in the bb with A5 off and i check. the board comes  2 3 6 rainbow. sb checks and i bet like half pot. next guy to act raises and the other players fold. to me i felt like this guy either had a medium over pair or some kind of draw or nothing. i didnt see why he would rais a realy strong hand on a board like that with two players that could also contribut money if he were to have a big hand. i felt like if i shoved then it would be super hard for him to call and i would take down a decent pot a lot of the time. i shoved and he called and showed 22. turn was a blank and the river was a 4 giving me the straight.

so i got very lucky there. i was also now in pretty good standings to go deep in the tourney. with about 70 players left. i was able to build my stack up to 200k over the next 5 hours and made it to the money. the bubble was at 27th. there were 23 players left when this hand happend. everyone folded to me on the button with K9 suited. i min raise and the sb calls. the bb looks at my raise, looks at the small blind and anounces raise and raises it to 40k. we had just got redrawn at this table and i havnt seen him 3 bet or play harldy any hands since we started the table but i felt like this was a move. i also had blockers and again felt like if i raised i could get him to lay down a lot of hands. i shoved all in for 180k sb folded and he thought for a little bit before calling with AQ off. i didnt improve and i busted out in 23rd. looking back at the hand im fine with my play even though he didnt play that many hands since we started the table i felt like he was the type to make a squeeze in that spot and figured he was sucks that i was wrong but im fine with my play. the thing that i should have done was only raised it to about 110k and if he shipped i could have folded and still been in the tourney. the last thing is that i have played about 5 tourneys so far this winter and in each tourney i have made a big move like the ones i talked about in every tourney. and about 4 out of the 5 tourneys i ran into aces twices and the other times made hands. so i think i am making moves at the wrong times and should be more cautious about it but that is also probably the last tourney i will be playing so i dont think ill be able to put the theory to use.

daygame this week was just horrible. i wanted to go out friday but i was just so out of it and unsocial. at the end of the day i found i was starting to get a bit of a head cold. saturday i had full effects of the cold and i tried to go out but i was just so out of state that i couldnt do it. sunday i was feeling better but still anti social. over the whole 3 days i did 4 approaches which was horrible. i was really wanting to put in some decent effort this weeknd but its so har to change your mentality if youre just not feeling social. which led me to a realization with poker and daygame.

i listen to a daygame podcast about once a week. they said something on there that made me think. i heard them talk about it before but i never really processed it. they said it doesnt matter about the results. you should be focusing on having a good time, learning, and enjoying the moment and the results will come. although i have done daygame like that a little bit i was still pretty results oriented. it also made me think about poker.

the past couple of years i never really had any specific expectations from poker. i was just learning the game and trying to get good at it, i was enjoying the process even though it was frustrating at times and i was making money. this year was different. this year i put a lot of weight on trying to achieve specific goals and i had a lot of expectations. it just made me realize it took the fun out of it. now all i was worried about is how much closer to my goal do i need to get and all these other thoughts. it just made me think that expectations are a good factor for being let down. so today i played and i didnt care about winning or losing i just played and tried to play my best and it was enjoyable. so with daygame and poker i am going to try and take that route and get back to the enjoyment of the games instead of the expectations. i know its easier said than done but its the better way to do them.

thats about all there is. im feeling better this week and not so anti social or depressed so hopefully it will stay that way and i can put in a lot of effort for the rest of the week. until next time. stay tuned cosmonauts

january/vegas recap.

this month has turned out to be probably one of the worst i have went through in a long time so come and listen to me complain :)

ill start with poker. well this month is the first month of live poker that i have lost. the total count comes to -3$..... yeah after all the totals were calculated it turns out im down a whopping 3$ lol. this month i saw a lot of negative results and not that much volume. i dont like either of those and the result isnt great either. this month i played 5 tournaments of the wsopc at the bicycle casino and i was able to cash in 2 but not for any serious figures. i had only 3 really good winning days which is the only reason why this month i wasnt in the red for a lot more. the last week of this month has been torture for me though.

the thought of poker has been in my mind for a while now. i hate the feeling and emotions i go through when im on a downswing. it makes me contimplate if im even a winning player or if i have just been running decent for a little while. then i start to think about all the competition and how much harder poker is getting. to tell you the truth it made me depressed. the last bit of this month was pretty dark for me. i just got back from vegas and i probably shouldnt have even went. i ended up losing like 1000$ which isnt what is wrong. the whole time i was there i was so depressed and the emotions are caused from this downswing. then it transfers over into my daily life and its hard for me to be happy so the whole time i was in vegas i was in a huge slump.

the part about it all is that the downswing isnt that huge or drastic its only like 8 buyins right now but its been over the whole month. and the fact that i havent put that many hours in makes it feel like it has been going on forever. i havent been playing as much because ive been trying to have fun with my friend which is another problem ill get to and trying to live life a little more but being so driven by results just fucks with my head. its all just a bunch of head games i guess.

the life aspect has a little mixed emotions. this month was pretty fun, we went to 6 flags again. i went on a couple dates, we went to vegas and everything inbetween but ive come to realize some things. the main concentrations behind my thoughts were of my friend. hes a life long childhood friend so we have a strong friendship but him coming to LA with me has made me realize how different we are. at this point in my life im improving myself and trying to push foreward with life and grow as much as i can as a person. to put it short he isnt. he would rather stay inside and watch anime and play video games. thats all good and i like the fact that hes passionate about it but it doesnt do anything for your life. he tried getting into daygame with me but he quickly fell out of it. im not saying he has to do the things i do but having someone living with you that you know as one of your closest friends and they dont even have a similar mindset as you is a little aggrivating. hes a little younger than me 21, and im 25. so at times i feel like im an older brother figure which is fine. but it put the wieght on my shoulders that i should try and make him have a good time since he came on this trip with me. so for the past 3 months if i went and played poker i felt like i shouldnt stay so long because he would be left at home and if i was out daygaming i was worried he wasnt enjoying his self and i wasnt thinking of myself. hes moving back to  AK on the 4th so i wont have to worry about it anymore but those are some of the thoughts ive been having. im not trying to bash my friend but i guess people just change a little.

daygame was interesting this month. from what i remember i didnt do a whole bunch of day game but i did quite a bit. the last couple posts had some good stories in it. this last week in vegas was a bit of a let down. of course i was in my depressed slump but i only managed to approach 5 girls but nothing went anywhere. over all for the month besides this last week it went pretty decent and i got some decent results. this next month i plan on putting a lot of effort into daygame so hopefully i can come up with some good times.

today i feel good i feel like im out of my slump and i dont feel down. i might have some kind of minor depression but im not sure. poker can have a big impact on my mental state but i hope it wont destroy my interest for the game as it already has a little bit. i have higher expectations for this month and i will be putting in more volume in poker and daygame so i should have better results in both. so untill next time cosmonauts. stay tuned :)